We’re very locked into the idea of one self, in modern western cultures at least. Although we accept that we have more than one era (child, young adult , midlife etc), and many, many moods (bad mood today, playful, feeling hyper etc), we don’t tend to think of ourselves as more than one person.
We play with it a little perhaps, with avatars and social media aliases, but this is more often an externalised multiplicity or deflection, rather than an internal, root division. In fact, the idea of multiple personas is seen as a sickness, as a negative, even terrifying proposition. Think Jekyll and Hyde or The Crowded Room.
Recently though, I’ve realised that there is more than one of me. More than one voice, more than just one me to meet, and this is a good thing.
It came up in a therapy session not so long ago, a way of exploring the inner voices that challenge, criticise and sometimes support me. Where do they come from, what do they sound like out loud, how can I ensure that their presence is positive.
Roll playing the personalities came more easily than I thought, and was incredibly enlightening. I spent some time over the following weeks meditating with these personalities, listening out for them, actively talking with them. In fact I embraced the idea of my new component selves with such enthusiasm I think I might’ve freaked out my therapist a little!
But, I now think that seeing myself as singular for most of my life so far has been hugely limiting. Like seeing myself in standard rather than 4k resolution. These parts of me, some supportive, some toxic, some angry, some full of love, some childlike, some parental, have a lot to offer and keeping them locked up in my subconscious is not only a waste and pretty unhealthy, it’s also a lie.
They have names now. My family (bless them for their acceptance), know their names, and I’m wondering if there might come a time when we use them in normal conversations? I’m also wondering what everybody else’s other names are? My family, friends, you?
I’m sure that for all of us, seeing ourselves as more complex than our singular names imply has huge potential for emotional and spiritual growth. For better social connections, relationships and understanding. Perhaps there’s a practical limit (as my therapist implied), or perhaps that’s only a condition of our (pretty limited and inflexible) modern social mores.
Maybe opening up to a more plural view of ourselves could be a step towards a more fluid and tolerant community and a more sophisticated view of consciousness itself.
Image Mike Kelly, ‘Ahh… Youth!’